I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
