Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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