420 ftw
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I have fence marks all over my body
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
