we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Welp...herpes.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Randomize
