you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize