I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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