you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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