my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
