I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
