wake up i wanna do it froggy style
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
