At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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