Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
