and next time when you feel me up, do it right
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize