Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
she looked like the before picture.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
