I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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