She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I can text with my tongue
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
