I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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