actually, I'm a sock model
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
