Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize