like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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