We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
