How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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