His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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