Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
