ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
