My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
this just has baby written all over it
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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