i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
