Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
