I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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