tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
