summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
