Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
