OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
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