elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
