maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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