That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Randomize
