I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
we made out on top of his cat.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
