also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
