i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
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