it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
