There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
