We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
This toilet bowl is my home.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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