she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
