Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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