All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
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