the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
You dont lie about slip and slides
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
