every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
