HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I am one with the molecules
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
