So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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