when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
