Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
