Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
