and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize