I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
