Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
