I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
