I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
