im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
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