I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
