the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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