If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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