I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
