Im at strip club and am horny
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I just threw up on my dentist
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
