i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
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