Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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