Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
