She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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