Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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