If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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