I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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